Received an interesting WhatsApp forward today. It laid down the views
of the Late Khuswant Singh on the things that make one happy. It contained the
usual homilies – good health, adequate money, own house, a hobby and so on.
Although I do not agree or disagree with the list, here is my take on the
things required to make one happy / content / at peace:
- Having something to look forward to: A life where you have nothing to look forwards to is simply not worth living. Although not having anything to look forwards to, not minding dying now, does bring a certain measure of calm, it is at best, a false sense of peace.
- Routine – with bits of uncertainties added in: Although people abhor the routine, that is the first thing that they crave in times of uncertainty. It’s a classic Catch 22 situation. You realize the value of routine only in the absence of a routine.
- Being good at your job / having a job you are good at: This is classic Freudian. Anything that adds to your self-esteem – your sense of being wanted, of being useful and contributing to persons outside of you, makes you feel good. It may have an evolutionary basis as this is essential for the well-being of the society at large. And hence is very powerful.
- Knowing your duty and doing it to the best of your abilities: This is an offshoot of the point preceding it.
- Friendship – not love, not any other relationship: Friendship is the only relationship that is, to some extent, not based on the ‘what is in it for me’ philosophy. It is the relationship with the least expectations. And accordingly, is the one that gives the maximum gratification.
- Being a giver and not a taker: The world at large is made up of two kinds of people (ya ya – it’s over simplification at its worst, but what the heck) – the givers and the takers, persons on whom others depend and persons who need others to depend on, the strong and the weak, the loners and the leeches, persons who realize that you are and have all it takes inside of you and the persons who need others (persons, situations, materials) outside of themselves to survive. And, generally, the givers are the happier of the two. Lack of dependence, on persons, on relations, on possessions, on money – somehow leads to contentment and peace. Don’t know why but that is how it is.
- Mindfulness of the now, the present: The only redeeming thing about the mind is that, no matter what, it can only think of one thing at a time. Which means that you cannot be unhappy or sad when your attention is focussed on the task at hand, however trivial. In addition, being mindful has additional benefits – you are generally good at what you do and tend to make fewer mistakes.
- Being appreciated – genuinely: Self-explanatory.
- Being honest and truthful: This is the most clichéd of them all. But there is a reason that this has survived eons of mankind. Speaking a lie / living a lie, in the long run, leads to suffocation and erosion of all things that lead to peace of mind, if not happiness.
- Forgiving / letting go: Letting go is a sine-qua-non for any kind of peace. That age old adage of realizing what is in your control and then letting go of the rest is the only way to go about it. Easier said than done I agree but we have to keep forgiving people, situations, our parents, our friends, our colleagues, our genes, our upbringing and so on. Hanging on to these is not only counterproductive, its energy sapping. We have to stop looking for a peg to hang our failures on. We have to start taking responsibility for whatever good or bad happens with us. For most times, we always have a choice. And every choice has its own consequences.
- Having some time – daily – when you can be totally alone:
- Being able to tick off items on a to do list:
- A reasonable state of health - absence of illness that causes physical discomfort / pain
- Reasonable amount of money – not too much and not too little – neither abundance nor extreme want: This is one of the paradoxes. I have seen people who have enough money to have everything material that they desire not really happy and I have seen people struggling happier. I think that having the bare necessities covered and having somethings just out of your reach makes it more exciting. It gives you something to look forwards to something to strive for.
- Realizing that you do not need much – neither money, nor material possessions: You actually don’t. You can eat only that much and wear only clothes. The thing that makes you desperate is when you can’t do enough to treat someone close when he or she is sick. But then think about it. Can anyone really?
- Faith – on something bigger: A cause, a religion, a belief, a person whatever. Something bigger than you, something you cannot explain rationally, but something you need to hang on to when push comes to shove.
